Jobs: Difference between revisions

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In FTL 13, your job is somewhat akin to your character class.  It defines your starting equipment, your  [[identification_card|access]] on board the station, and what you're supposed to be doing. Remember, these job descriptions are for humor purposes only. Please obey common sense and [[Space Law|Space Law]].
In FTL 13, your job is somewhat akin to your character class.  It defines your starting equipment, your  [[identification_card|access]] on board the ship, and what you're supposed to be doing. Remember, '''these job descriptions are for humor purposes only.''' Please obey common sense and [[Space Law|Space Law]].


<!-- please remember that this was once in alphabetical order. The reason it was changed is that the list was simply too long for the alphabet to make it easily navigable. It has been changed to match the categorization in the Jobs template, which you can see at the bottom of each job page. -->
<!-- please remember that this was once in alphabetical order. The reason it was changed is that the list was simply too long for the alphabet to make it easily navigable. It has been changed to match the categorization in the Jobs template, which you can see at the bottom of each job page. -->
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![[File:Generic_captain.png|64px|link=Captain]]<br>[[Captain]]
![[File:Generic_captain.png|64px|link=Captain]]<br>[[Captain]]
|Be responsible for the station. Manage station [[Heads of Staff]]. Secure dat fukken disk. Twist your own head off when the walls start closing in. Have blood feuds with the [[HoP|Executive Officer]]. Deal with the Clown by loading him into the MAC. Break your own display case to get your gun for 'MAX PROTECTION'
|Be responsible for the ship and it's mission. Manage [[Heads of Staff]]. Secure dat fukken disk. Twist your own head off when the walls start closing in. Have blood feuds with the [[HoP|Executive Officer]]. Deal with the Clown by loading him into the MAC. Break your own display case to get your gun for 'MAX PROTECTION'
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
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![[File:Generic_hos.png|64px|link=Head of Security]]<br>[[Head of Security]]
![[File:Generic_hos.png|64px|link=Head of Security]]<br>[[Head of Security]]
|Make sure your team isn't [[Shitcurity]]. Wear a stylish yet protective coat. Focus your department's efforts on bigger fish than [[Clown|leeches]]. Chase down lone traitors and die alone in maintenance because YOU <b>ARE THE LAW</b> . Revel in the fact that everyone hates you. Carry half the Armory in your backpack. Have blood feuds with the Warden.
|Make sure your team isn't [[Shitcurity]]. Wear a stylish yet protective coat. Focus your department's efforts on bigger fish than [[Clown|leeches]]. Chase down lone traitors and die alone in maintenance because YOU <b>ARE THE LAW</b> . Revel in the fact that everyone hates you. Carry half the Armory in your backpack. Attempt to assemble a boarding party and cry because it's not implemented yet. Use the sniper against the Clown.
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
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![[File:Generic_security.png|64px|link=Security Officer]]<br>[[Security Officer]]
![[File:Generic_security.png|64px|link=Security Officer]]<br>[[Security Officer]]
|Deal with the various [[clown|dirty]] [[assistant|fucking]] [[traitor|criminals]] running amok on the station. Taser people in the eyes. Pretend the Lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Harmbaton people to death, claim they were "resisting arrest". Flashbang crowds until they are deaf and blind forever.  Arrest someone for a legitimate cause, get called shitcurity.
|Deal with the various [[clown|dirty]] [[assistant|fucking]] [[traitor|criminals]] running amok on the ship. Taser people in the eyes. Pretend the Lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Harmbaton people to death, claim they were "resisting arrest". Flashbang crowds until they are deaf and blind forever.  Arrest someone for a legitimate cause, get called shitcurity.
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Hard
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Hard
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![[File:Generic_ce.png|64px|link=Chief Engineer]]<br>[[Chief Engineer]]
![[File:Generic_ce.png|64px|link=Chief Engineer]]<br>[[Chief Engineer]]
|Fly around in space while your [[Station Engineer|subordinates]] burn down engineering, cut life-support to the station, and release the <s><b>KRAKEN</b></s> singularity.  
|Fly around in space while your [[Station Engineer|subordinates]] blow up engineering, cut life-support to the ship, and overheat the [[Supermatter Engine|supermatter shard]].  
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
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![[File:Generic_engineer.png|64px|link=Station Engineer]]<br>[[Station Engineer]]
![[File:Generic_engineer.png|64px|link=Station Engineer]]<br>[[Station Engineer]]
|<s>Set up the singularity</s> Get shot by the emitters, get brutally murdered on the solars by a nuclear agent, get drunk in the bar. Make telecoms unusable with scripts. Sprint past hull breaches without a second thought. Hack every machine to shoot things at people.
|<s>Set up the singularity</s> Get shot by the emitters, get brutally <s>murdered</s> slipped by the [[Clown]] as the supermatter overheats, get drunk in the bar. Make telecoms unusable with scripts. Sprint past hull breaches without a second thought. Hack every machine to shoot things at people.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
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![[File:Generic_atmos.png|64px|link=Atmospheric Technician]]<br>[[Atmospheric Technician]]
![[File:Generic_atmos.png|64px|link=Atmospheric Technician]]<br>[[Atmospheric Technician]]
|Station's ghetto fireman. Ensure everyone can breathe by listening to complaints about how useless you are. If they can talk, everything's within tolerances. Build pipe slides. Forget all about repairing damaged piping. Make some bombs using the empty tanks and accidentally activate them in the hallway. Run around the station looking like a serial killer with a fire suit and axe. Release plasma into the halls.
|Your <s>angry</s> friendly ghetto fireman. Ensure everyone can breathe by listening to complaints about how useless you are. If they can talk, everything's within tolerances. Build pipe slides. Forget all about repairing damaged piping. Take your sweet time trying to create a direct pipeline to the FTL and Shields. Run around the ship looking like a serial killer with a fire suit and axe. Release plasma into the halls.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium  
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium  
|}
|}
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![[File:Generic_rd.png|64px|link=Research Director]]<br>[[Research Director]]
![[File:Generic_rd.png|64px|link=Research Director]]<br>[[Research Director]]
|Oversee the [[Scientist|demented]] [[Roboticist|manchildren]] of your department. <s>Build</s> Destroy cyborgs with your magic button. Use Lamarr as a breath mask. Take control of the AI and rule the station.
|Oversee the [[Scientist|demented]] [[Roboticist|manchildren]] of your department. <s>Build</s> Destroy cyborgs with your magic button. Use Lamarr as a breath mask. Take control of the AI and rule the ship.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
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![[File:scientist_generic.png|64px|link=Scientist]]<br>[[Scientist]]
![[File:scientist_generic.png|64px|link=Scientist]]<br>[[Scientist]]
|Get tossed in disposal by the [[Research Director]], nag chemistry, "accidentally" blow up toxins, let the Slimes loose. Nag mining for diamonds so you can make two Bags of Holding to make a mini Singularity. Refuse to stop at the last three items in the previous list and accidentally kill yourself in enough stupid ways to make murder look like assisted suicide.
|Get tossed in disposal by the [[Research Director]], nag chemistry, "accidentally" blow up <s>toxins</s>, let the Slimes loose. Nag mining for diamonds so you can make two Bags of Holding to make a mini Singularity. Refuse to stop at the last three items in the previous list and accidentally kill yourself in enough stupid ways to make murder look like assisted suicide.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
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![[File:Roboticist.png|64px|link=Roboticist]]<br>[[Roboticist]]
![[File:Roboticist.png|64px|link=Roboticist]]<br>[[Roboticist]]
|Build some nifty robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS! Dismantle the station for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue. Kill a patient and blame it on your colleagues for not knowing how to perform surgery. Be awesome and cut your own arm off to replace it with a Robo Arm, Just like Skywalker!
|Build some nifty robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS! Dismantle the walls for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue. Kill a patient and blame it on your colleagues for not knowing how to perform surgery. Be awesome and cut your own arm off to replace it with a Robo Arm, Just like Skywalker!
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
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![[File:MedicalDoctor.png|64px|link=Medical Doctor]]<br>[[Medical Doctor]]
![[File:MedicalDoctor.png|64px|link=Medical Doctor]]<br>[[Medical Doctor]]
|<s>Heal people.</s> <s>Use your Sleeper or Cryo to heal people.</s> <s>Help the Virologist research cures to diseases and create new immune systems.</s> Nag Chemistry for chloral hydrate. Inject people with chloral hydrate and drag them to <s>the dungeon</s> surgery and give them a <s>sex change</s> appendix removal. Replace all the chems in Cryo with polytrinic acid. Inject people with mind breaker toxin. Get arrested when you do 'free' brain removals.
|<s>Heal people.</s> <s>Use your Sleeper or Cryo to heal people.</s> <s>Help the Virologist research cures to diseases and create new immune systems.</s> Try to heal people, get pushed out of the way and witness crew selfserve anyway. Chase someone dragging a person in critical around. Accidentally overdose someone with Anti-Toxin.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
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![[File:Chemist.png|64px|link=Chemist]]<br>[[Chemist]]
![[File:Chemist.png|64px|link=Chemist]]<br>[[Chemist]]
|Make chemicals and basically control the station. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after they examine your bottle of "Omnizine". Inject the clown with enough mutagen to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. Dish out space drugs like no tomorrow. Make literal carpet bombs to make the corridors slightly more classy.
|Make chemicals and basically control the ship. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after they examine your bottle of "Omnizine". Inject the clown with enough mutagen to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. Dish out space drugs like no tomorrow. Make literal carpet bombs to make the corridors slightly more classy.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
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![[File:Geneticist.png|64px|link=Geneticist]]<br>[[Geneticist]]
![[File:Geneticist.png|64px|link=Geneticist]]<br>[[Geneticist]]
|Give your monkeys Tourettes and broadcast their cursing across the station. <s>Clone</s> Ignore the tide of dead bodies that comes to your door. Lose your hair. Accidentally inject yourself with a monkey SE and get impaled by the cook. Get bombed every round.
|Give your monkeys Tourettes and broadcast their cursing over the radio. <s>Clone</s> Ignore the tide of dead bodies that comes to your door. Lose your hair. Accidentally inject yourself with a monkey SE and get impaled by the cook. Get screeched at by your monkeys. Toss past bodies into maintenance.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
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![[File:Generic_virologist.png|64px|link=Virologist]]<br>[[Virologist]]
![[File:Generic_virologist.png|64px|link=Virologist]]<br>[[Virologist]]
|Expect people you've never met to already hate you, try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic, get killed for the clown releasing Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever [[Virology|in your dungeon]].
|Expect people you've never met to already hate you, try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic, get killed for the clown releasing Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever [[Virology|in your dungeon]]. Find out that MAC rounds like finding their way to your department and get blown up without anyone noticing.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
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![[File:Generic_qm.png|64px|link=Quartermaster]]<br>[[Quartermaster]]
![[File:Generic_qm.png|64px|link=Quartermaster]]<br>[[Quartermaster]]
|Order crates and make sure your [[Cargo Technician|slaves]] do their jobs. Be an extremely vulnerable target for the [[Revolution]]. Order guns and secede from the station. Order virus crates and release the contents. <s>Force Lisa into sexual servitude with Ian.</s> Pet Lisa. Trade an assistant a toolbelt, multitool, rubber gloves, and a welding hat if they steal Runtime.
|Order crates and make sure your [[Cargo Technician|slaves]] do their jobs. Be an extremely vulnerable target for the [[Revolution]]. <s>Order guns and secede from the station</s> Order everything possible at round start because you're never docking with another station ever again. Order virus crates and release the contents. Pet Lisa. Trade an assistant a toolbelt, multitool, rubber gloves, and a welding hat if they steal Runtime.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
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![[File:Generic_shaft.png|64px|link=Shaft Miner]]<br>[[Shaft Miner]]
![[File:Generic_shaft.png|64px|link=Shaft Miner]]<br>[[Shaft Miner]]
|Mine rocks, try to mine monsters. Get science and robotics materials to get cool things. Go on a quest for the clown planet. Shoot people with your kinetic accelerator as if they were <s>rocks</s> monsters. Collapse in despair when the shuttle is called early. Collapse in general when goliaths robust you. Search for cool loot instead of actually mining for ore. Fall into a chasm and die.
|Never actually do what your job title says. Cry to the bridge to find a lavaplanet. Get yelled at by the captain on high volume and capslock to get salvaging. Get locked out of the ship because the shields were brought back up. Get left behind as a result. Accidentally turn off the comms relay and watch as the entire z-level gets wiped.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Medium
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Medium
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![[File:Generic_munitions_officer_male.png|64px|link=Munitions Officer]]<br>[[Munitions Officer]]
![[File:Generic_munitions_officer_male.png|64px|link=Munitions Officer]]<br>[[Munitions Officer]]
|Load HE preemptively, ignore other shell rounds, jam the MAC, yell at Chemistry for oil, arm a round as the ship goes into FTL, load the [[Clown]] into the MAC, blow up.
|Load HE preemptively, ignore other shell rounds. Jam the MAC, yell at Chemistry for oil. Arm a round as the ship goes into FTL. Load the [[Clown]] into the MAC, blow up.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Medium
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Medium
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![[File:Generic_janitor.png|64px|link=Janitor]]<br>[[Janitor]]
![[File:Generic_janitor.png|64px|link=Janitor]]<br>[[Janitor]]
|Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly. Clean up gang tags, then get harmbatoned by Security because you were spotted near them.
|Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly. Always carry your light replacer since ion storms happen every five minutes. Clean up gang tags, then get harmbatoned by Security because you were spotted near them.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
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![[File:Generic_chef.png|64px|link=Chef]]<br>[[Cook]]
![[File:Generic_chef.png|64px|link=Chef]]<br>[[Cook]]
|"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat in the morgue (Yum!), abduct Pun Pun at all costs and try to find out if it will blend. [[Critters#Neutral|Be brutally murdered by your pet goat]].
|"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat you find in maintenance behind [[Genetics]] (Yum!), abduct Pun Pun at all costs and try to find out if it will blend. [[Critters#Neutral|Be brutally murdered by your pet goat]].
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
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![[File:Generic_botanist.png|64px|link=botanist]]<br>[[Botanist]]
![[File:Generic_botanist.png|64px|link=botanist]]<br>[[Botanist]]
|Grow <strike>the good stuff</strike> grass, place it everywhere, man. Oversee the production of illegal drugs security gives fuckall about. Smoke <s>weed</s> dandy corn-cob pipes er'ryday. Allow hydroponics to become a horrifying farmhouse.
|Grow <strike>the good stuff</strike> grass, place it everywhere, man. Oversee the production of illegal drugs security gives fuckall about. Smoke <s>weed</s> dandy corn-cob pipes er'ryday. Allow hydroponics to become a horrifying farmhouse. Load poisonous product in the vendor and get blamed when the chef uses it in their cooking.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
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![[File:Generic_clown.png|64px|link=Clown]]<br>[[Clown]]
![[File:Generic_clown.png|64px|link=Clown]]<br>[[Clown]]
|Honk!  Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in! Honk! Nag the XO for an all-access pass. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. HONK!
|Honk!  Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in! Honk! Nag the XO for an all-access pass. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. Honk! End up putting the whole armory in your backpack after slipping [[Security]] constantly. HONK!
!<span style="display: none;">e</span>HONK!
!<span style="display: none;">e</span>HONK!
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![[File:Generic_chaplain.png|64px|link=Chaplain]]<br>[[Chaplain]]
![[File:Generic_chaplain.png|64px|link=Chaplain]]<br>[[Chaplain]]
|Drink your holy water. Preach your religion with your all-healing bible. Drink more holy water. Attempt to hold weddings and funerals. Make people retarded with your all-healing bible. Pretend to listen. Pray to the almighty <strike>God</strike> admins. Become unable to speak a coherent sentence after emptying your holy water.
|Drink your holy water. Preach your religion with your all-healing bible. Drink more holy water. Attempt to hold weddings and funerals. Make people retarded with your all-healing bible. Pretend to listen. Pray to the almighty <strike>God</strike> admins and get rewarded with a cookie because it's the easiest button for them to press. Become unable to speak a coherent sentence after emptying your holy water.
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
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![[File:AI.gif|64px|link=AI]]<br>[[AI]]
![[File:AI.gif|64px|link=AI]]<br>[[AI]]
| Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the [[captain]] robust the [[clown]]. Get bitched at. Name yourself something sexual. Get bitched at. Get carded. Get bitched at.
|Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the [[captain]] robust the [[clown]]. Get bitched at. Make snide remarks about [[Engineering]] for their terrible engine setup. Get bitched at. Get carded. Get bitched at.
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
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![[File:Generic drone.png|64px|link=Drone]]<br>[[Drone]]
![[File:Generic drone.png|64px|link=Drone]]<br>[[Drone]]
|Become that adorable robotic pet. Fix the holes the crew will inevitably make. Steal everything not bolted down. Get picked up and used as a hat against your will. Be more competent than the stations Engineers. Get killed by the Engineers for being more competent than them.
|Become that adorable robotic pet. Fix the holes the crew will inevitably make. Steal everything not bolted down. Get picked up and used as a hat against your will. Be more competent than the ship's Engineers. Get killed by the Engineers for being more competent than them. Turn on the animal filter because there's no difference with these maniacs.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Easy
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Easy
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![[File:Pai.png|64px|link=Personal AI]]<br>[[Personal AI]]
![[File:Pai.png|64px|link=Personal AI]]<br>[[Personal AI]]
|Be the friend someone has always wanted (if they bother downloading you). Whine in OOC because they didn't. Don't fill any of the fields except the name field.
|Be the friend someone has always wanted <s>if they bother downloading you</s>. Whine in OOC because they didn't. Don't fill any of the fields except the name field. Backseat captain whenever you're on the [[Bridge]].
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
!<span style="display: none;">d</span>Easy
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![[File:Shade.png|64px|link=Construct]]<br>[[Construct]]
![[File:Shade.png|64px|link=Construct]]<br>[[Construct]]
|Get wrecked by cult, or change map preference to meta and tip your fedora at the chaplain. laugh at the assistant trying to punch you, then get killed by a simplemob carp. Start beefs with other constructs for getting the first shell, ask for juggernaut and get <s>spaced</s> wraith.
|Get wrecked by cult. Laugh at the assistant trying to punch you, then get killed by a simplemob carp. Start beefs with other constructs for getting the first shell, ask for juggernaut and get <s>spaced</s> wraith.
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Easy to Medium
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Easy to Medium
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![[File:Ghost2.png|64px|link=Ghost]]<br>[[Ghost]]
![[File:Ghost2.png|64px|link=Ghost]]<br>[[Ghost]]
|Talk to the other [[Clown|dead]] [[Assistant|people]]. Complain about the living. Admin help. <s>Omnighost</s> Orbit around the singulo pretending to be a black hole. <s>Watch ERP</s>. Beg the admin to deploy a space ninja. All follow an antag like some form of ethereal dog pile.
|Talk to the other [[Clown|dead]] [[Assistant|people]]. Complain about the living. Admin help. <s>Omnighost</s> Orbit around the singulo pretending to be a black hole. <s>Watch ERP</s>. <s>Beg the admin to deploy a</s> Respawn as a space ninja because the random events have been stripped down. All follow an antag like some form of ethereal dog pile.
!<span style="display: none;">f</span>Ghastly!
!<span style="display: none;">f</span>Ghastly!
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![[File:Traitor.png|64px|link=Traitor]]<br>[[Traitor]]
![[File:Traitor.png|64px|link=Traitor]]<br>[[Traitor]]
|Buy an ebow and esword and make people cry. Ignore your objectives and go on a rampage with your cool gear. Get unceremoniously killed and spaced by a toolbox-wielding assistant.
|Get marked for deletion because being a traitor would end the round too fast. Cry as a result
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
!<span style="display: none;">c</span>Medium
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![[File:Generic_nukesyndie.png|64px|link=Syndicate guide]]<br>[[Syndicate guide|Nuclear Operative]]
![[File:Generic_nukesyndie.png|64px|link=Syndicate guide]]<br>[[Syndicate guide|Nuclear Operative]]
|Someone set us up the bomb! (AKA You) Get dat fukken disk. Plant a power sink on the solars. Waste all your telecrystals on balloons. Arm the nuke while your fellows are still on the station. Kidnap Ian.
|Get respawned as nukeops when the round has been going on for too long and NT pissed off the [[Guide to Factions#The Syndicate|big red meanies]]. Overwhelm the crew without much resistance because no one goes security. Don't worry about people announcing your presence since no one likes listening to the radio anyway. Get teamkilled.
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Very Hard
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![[File:Mobster.png|64px|link=Gang]]<br>[[Gang|Gangster]]
![[File:Mobster.png|64px|link=Gang]]<br>[[Gang|Gangster]]
|Vandalize the station and get into fights with rivals. Litter the halls with bullet casings. Get ignored by your own gang. Just don't forget: Snitches Get Stitches.
|Vandalize the ship and get into fights with rivals. Litter the halls with bullet casings. Get ignored by your own gang. Just don't forget: Snitches Get Stitches.
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Hard
!<span style="display: none;">a</span>Hard
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![[File:Shadowbeing.png|64px|link=Shadowling]]<br>[[Shadowling]]
![[File:Shadowbeing.png|64px|link=Shadowling]]<br>[[Shadowling]]
|Be the hip and more popular brother to the Changeling. Turn the station into thralls. Cry when a cyborg turns on its headlamp. Shadow Walk into space and die ten minutes into the round.
|Be the hip and more popular brother to the Changeling. Turn the whole crew into thralls. Cry when a cyborg turns on its headlamp. Shadow Walk into space and die ten minutes into the round.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
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![[File:Generic_ninja.png|link=Space Ninja]]<br>[[Space Ninja]]
![[File:Generic_ninja.png|link=Space Ninja]]<br>[[Space Ninja]]
|Follow your orders, which may or may not involve you killing everything that moves. Kill everyone regardless.
|Become more common than you are rare and get complained about for how often your random event spawns. Toss RP out the window and kill everyone.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
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![[File:centcomofficial.png|link=Centcom Official]]<br>[[Centcom Official]]
![[File:centcomofficial.png|link=Centcom Official]]<br>[[Centcom Official]]
|Be self-important, meddle with ship affairs, annoy the Captain with bureaucracy. Get killed almost immediately by a random mob. Have you body looted by everyone, including the captain.
|Get spawned when the ship <s>accidentally</s> decides to fire blue on blue. Get killed because the crew wants to turn to piracy anyway. Watch as a team of agents bluespaces in to obliterate the crew when they don't hear back from you.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Medium
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Medium
|-
|-
Line 349: Line 349:
|-
|-
![[File:emergencyresponseteamcommander.png|link=Emergency Response Team]]<br>[[Emergency Response Team|Emergency Response Officer]]
![[File:emergencyresponseteamcommander.png|link=Emergency Response Team]]<br>[[Emergency Response Team|Emergency Response Officer]]
|Arrive too late on the station to actually help. Lose the rest of your team, get outnumbered and die. Respawn as a second response team to save the first team.
|Arrive too late on the ship to actually help. Lose the rest of your team to a stray MAC round. Respawn as a second response team to save the first team.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Very Hard
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Very Hard
|-
|-
![[File:deathsquadofficer.png|link=Death squad]]<br>[[Death squad|Death Squad Officer]]
![[File:deathsquadofficer.png|link=Death squad]]<br>[[Death squad|Death Squad Officer]]
|Beg for DS, spawn in at centcom, kill an admin who was trying to tell you your mission, get gibbed, beg for another chance. Set your rifle to DESTROY and terminate all lifeforms (including walls). Slip on a banana peel and <s>get blasted into oblivion with your own rifle </s>laugh as your boots prevent you from slipping and the Clown can't fire your DNA-locked rifle. Shoot the Clown with your Mataba Revolver.
|Beg for DS, spawn in at centcom, kill an admin who was trying to tell you your mission, get gibbed, beg for another chance. Set your rifle to DESTROY and terminate all lifeforms (including walls). Slip on a banana peel and <s>get blasted into oblivion with your own rifle </s> laugh as your boots prevent you from slipping and the Clown can't fire your DNA-locked rifle. Shoot the Clown with your Mataba Revolver.
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
!<span style="display: none;">b</span>Hard
|}
|}

Revision as of 16:28, 10 April 2017

In FTL 13, your job is somewhat akin to your character class. It defines your starting equipment, your access on board the ship, and what you're supposed to be doing. Remember, these job descriptions are for humor purposes only. Please obey common sense and Space Law.


Useful Links


Command

Job Role Difficulty

Captain 		Be responsible for the ship and it's mission. Manage Heads of Staff. Secure dat fukken disk. Twist your own head off when the walls start closing in. Have blood feuds with the Executive Officer. Deal with the Clown by loading him into the MAC. Break your own display case to get your gun for 'MAX PROTECTION' aVery Hard

Executive Officer 		Realize that you're above the other heads on the Chain of Command, yell at them accordingly. Get stuck with the HoP tasks anyway. Get treated like the HoP anyway. I mean, you pretty much are the HoP, anyway. Pet Ian. cMedium

Bridge Officer 		Fly the ship into combat without the engine running. Nag at Engineering to hook up the FTL drive plasma. Leave the salvage team behind. Get lynched for jumping without warning the crew. Shoot the MAC at a Nanotrasen vessel and start an intergalactic war. Aim only at one place on enemy ships. Get lynched for blowing up all the enemy ships' loot. cMedium

Security

Job Role Difficulty

Head of Security 		Make sure your team isn't Shitcurity. Wear a stylish yet protective coat. Focus your department's efforts on bigger fish than leeches. Chase down lone traitors and die alone in maintenance because YOU ARE THE LAW . Revel in the fact that everyone hates you. Carry half the Armory in your backpack. Attempt to assemble a boarding party and cry because it's not implemented yet. Use the sniper against the Clown. aVery Hard

Warden 		Sit in your office. Sit in your office, again. Never Watch security cameras. Steal from the armory, then order crates to cover it up. Maybe keep an eye or two on the armory (So that no one steals the stuff you want to steal), and SET A GODDAMN TIME TO THE TIMER for any arrested scum. Have blood feuds with the Head of Security. bMedium

Security Officer 		Deal with the various dirty fucking criminals running amok on the ship. Taser people in the eyes. Pretend the Lawyer doesn't exist. Dogpile on traitors. Constantly get bitched at. Harmbaton people to death, claim they were "resisting arrest". Flashbang crowds until they are deaf and blind forever. Arrest someone for a legitimate cause, get called shitcurity. aHard

Detective 		Chain smoke cigarettes. Shoot the useless assistants with your cowboy gun. Lose your cowboy gun in a Space Vegas gambling session. Litter the halls with photos. Solve crimes on rare occasion. cMedium

Engineering

Job Role Difficulty

Chief Engineer 		Fly around in space while your subordinates blow up engineering, cut life-support to the ship, and overheat the supermatter shard. bHard

Station Engineer 		Set up the singularity Get shot by the emitters, get brutally murdered slipped by the Clown as the supermatter overheats, get drunk in the bar. Make telecoms unusable with scripts. Sprint past hull breaches without a second thought. Hack every machine to shoot things at people. cMedium

Atmospheric Technician 		Your angry friendly ghetto fireman. Ensure everyone can breathe by listening to complaints about how useless you are. If they can talk, everything's within tolerances. Build pipe slides. Forget all about repairing damaged piping. Take your sweet time trying to create a direct pipeline to the FTL and Shields. Run around the ship looking like a serial killer with a fire suit and axe. Release plasma into the halls. cMedium

Science

Job Role Difficulty

Research Director 		Oversee the demented manchildren of your department. Build Destroy cyborgs with your magic button. Use Lamarr as a breath mask. Take control of the AI and rule the ship. bHard

Scientist 		Get tossed in disposal by the Research Director, nag chemistry, "accidentally" blow up toxins, let the Slimes loose. Nag mining for diamonds so you can make two Bags of Holding to make a mini Singularity. Refuse to stop at the last three items in the previous list and accidentally kill yourself in enough stupid ways to make murder look like assisted suicide. cMedium

Roboticist 		Build some nifty robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS! Dismantle the walls for more metal. Have your cyborgs that you built turn on you when the AI goes rogue. Kill a patient and blame it on your colleagues for not knowing how to perform surgery. Be awesome and cut your own arm off to replace it with a Robo Arm, Just like Skywalker! dEasy

Medical

Job Role Difficulty

Chief Medical Officer 		Gently remind everyone to turn up their suit sensors. Complain no one listens to you. Help the virologist spread an epidemic. Fill your hypospray with Chloral Hydrate. Fetch Runtime mice from maintenance. Do everything (Everyone else under you does fuck all). cMedium

Medical Doctor 		Heal people. Use your Sleeper or Cryo to heal people. Help the Virologist research cures to diseases and create new immune systems. Try to heal people, get pushed out of the way and witness crew selfserve anyway. Chase someone dragging a person in critical around. Accidentally overdose someone with Anti-Toxin. dEasy

Chemist 		Make chemicals and basically control the ship. Fling grenades on the emergency shuttle. Misname bottles and get lynched by the Chief Medical Officer after they examine your bottle of "Omnizine". Inject the clown with enough mutagen to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. Dish out space drugs like no tomorrow. Make literal carpet bombs to make the corridors slightly more classy. dEasy

Geneticist 		Give your monkeys Tourettes and broadcast their cursing over the radio. Clone Ignore the tide of dead bodies that comes to your door. Lose your hair. Accidentally inject yourself with a monkey SE and get impaled by the cook. Get screeched at by your monkeys. Toss past bodies into maintenance. cMedium

Virologist 		Expect people you've never met to already hate you, try to eradicate the great space flu, create the next Pandemic, get killed for the clown releasing Pierrot's Throat. Ignore petty details like sanitation and outbreak prevention. Incarcerate someone forever in your dungeon. Find out that MAC rounds like finding their way to your department and get blown up without anyone noticing. cMedium

Civilian

Supply

Job Role Difficulty

Quartermaster 		Order crates and make sure your slaves do their jobs. Be an extremely vulnerable target for the Revolution. Order guns and secede from the station Order everything possible at round start because you're never docking with another station ever again. Order virus crates and release the contents. Pet Lisa. Trade an assistant a toolbelt, multitool, rubber gloves, and a welding hat if they steal Runtime. cMedium

Cargo Technician 		Push dem crates. Promote shorts as they are comfy and easy to wear. Steal emitters cargo in general. Give the MULEs a thirst for human blood. Whine because Security arrested you for ordering guns. dEasy

Shaft Miner 		Never actually do what your job title says. Cry to the bridge to find a lavaplanet. Get yelled at by the captain on high volume and capslock to get salvaging. Get locked out of the ship because the shields were brought back up. Get left behind as a result. Accidentally turn off the comms relay and watch as the entire z-level gets wiped. bMedium

Munitions Officer 		Load HE preemptively, ignore other shell rounds. Jam the MAC, yell at Chemistry for oil. Arm a round as the ship goes into FTL. Load the Clown into the MAC, blow up. bMedium

Service

Job Role Difficulty

Janitor 		Mop blood off the floor, then get arrested for creating a safety hazard. Get killed for your boots. Swear constantly. Always carry your light replacer since ion storms happen every five minutes. Clean up gang tags, then get harmbatoned by Security because you were spotted near them. dEasy

Bartender 		Mix cocktails, protect Pun Pun at all cost toss the monkey into disposals, dodge glasses being thrown at you, have your shotgun stolen and used against you. Let cargo borrow your shotgun in exchange for sawing it off for you. Act surprised when people start to die from drinking your "cocktails". dEasy

Cook 		"Yur puurt thuur chiir-ken airn der bewl" - Cook delicious meals from spare meat you find in maintenance behind Genetics (Yum!), abduct Pun Pun at all costs and try to find out if it will blend. Be brutally murdered by your pet goat. dEasy

Botanist 		Grow the good stuff grass, place it everywhere, man. Oversee the production of illegal drugs security gives fuckall about. Smoke weed dandy corn-cob pipes er'ryday. Allow hydroponics to become a horrifying farmhouse. Load poisonous product in the vendor and get blamed when the chef uses it in their cooking. cMedium

Miscellaneous

Job Role Difficulty

Assistant 		AKA Space Bums. Be the kid in a candy shop. Steal things to see what funny message pops up when you commit suicide with them. Beat people/objects with toolboxes. Never, EVER remove your grey jumpsuit. Gangbang the captain to death with fellow grey tide drones and blame it on the clown. fNone

Clown 		Honk! Play harmless pranks and hope you don't get your chest caved in! Honk! Nag the XO for an all-access pass. Honk! Nag robotics for a H.O.N.K. Mech. Honk! Use both tools to break into the Captain's office and HONK in his face. Honk! End up putting the whole armory in your backpack after slipping Security constantly. HONK! eHONK!

Mime 		*wave e...

Chaplain 		Drink your holy water. Preach your religion with your all-healing bible. Drink more holy water. Attempt to hold weddings and funerals. Make people retarded with your all-healing bible. Pretend to listen. Pray to the almighty God admins and get rewarded with a cookie because it's the easiest button for them to press. Become unable to speak a coherent sentence after emptying your holy water. dEasy

Librarian 		Attempt to hold poetry readings. Host D&D games. Stalk people with your camera. Get lynched for reading pornography over the radio. Beat the snot out of anyone who doesn't return their library books. Allow the cult to set up an AI module in your private study. dEasy

Lawyer 		Tell security to notify you when a new prisoner arrives. Don't get notified. Be ignored and go to the bar. Become a drunken wreck and space yourself in frustration. Occasionally find loopholes in infernal contracts and save souls from damnation. dEasy

Non-human

Job Role Difficulty

AI 		Complain that you can't play this for a month. Follow your laws. Be the crew's bitch. Open doors. Malfunction. Get wiped for not letting the captain robust the clown. Get bitched at. Make snide remarks about Engineering for their terrible engine setup. Get bitched at. Get carded. Get bitched at. aVery Hard

Cyborg 		Follow your laws and hope that you aren't blown up due to certain individuals. Forget to recharge. Forget completely that you're still somewhat human and do mindless repetitive tasks without emotion. bHard

Drone 		Become that adorable robotic pet. Fix the holes the crew will inevitably make. Steal everything not bolted down. Get picked up and used as a hat against your will. Be more competent than the ship's Engineers. Get killed by the Engineers for being more competent than them. Turn on the animal filter because there's no difference with these maniacs. bEasy

Personal AI 		Be the friend someone has always wanted if they bother downloading you. Whine in OOC because they didn't. Don't fill any of the fields except the name field. Backseat captain whenever you're on the Bridge. dEasy

Construct 		Get wrecked by cult. Laugh at the assistant trying to punch you, then get killed by a simplemob carp. Start beefs with other constructs for getting the first shell, ask for juggernaut and get spaced wraith. cEasy to Medium

Ghost 		Talk to the other dead people. Complain about the living. Admin help. Omnighost Orbit around the singulo pretending to be a black hole. Watch ERP. Beg the admin to deploy a Respawn as a space ninja because the random events have been stripped down. All follow an antag like some form of ethereal dog pile. fGhastly!

Antagonists

Main Antagonists

Job Role Difficulty

Traitor 		Get marked for deletion because being a traitor would end the round too fast. Cry as a result cMedium

Changeling 		Think John Carpenter's 'The Thing', without 'The Thing' part. Relieve humans of their DNA and brain cells, which they don't use much anyway. bHard

Nuclear Operative 		Get respawned as nukeops when the round has been going on for too long and NT pissed off the big red meanies. Overwhelm the crew without much resistance because no one goes security. Don't worry about people announcing your presence since no one likes listening to the radio anyway. Get teamkilled. aVery Hard

Cultist 		Scribble runes. Summon eldritch gods. Rock out with your cock cult blade out and get arrested. cMedium

Clockwork Cultist 		Serve the Clockwork Justiciar by scribbling new-age runes all over maintenance. Start a steampunk book club and kill all the old-fashioned book clubbers. Invoke a bunch of anime people to summon Ratvar. Make everyone at /vg/ mad by stealing their antagonist. bMedium to Hard

Revolutionary 		Greytide without worrying about getting banned. Either kill the CMO and RD in under five minutes, or get crushed under Security's boots. aEasy to Hard

Gangster 		Vandalize the ship and get into fights with rivals. Litter the halls with bullet casings. Get ignored by your own gang. Just don't forget: Snitches Get Stitches. aHard

Wizard 		FORTI GY AMA!! EI NATH!! aVery Hard

Ragin Mages 		Spend ten minutes hunting down one Wizard, kill him thinking you've won! Stare in horror as three more Wizards appear. Watch in amusement as they proceed to kill each other. aVery Hard

Blob 		Forget you're infected with the blob, burst in the XO line while begging for all access. Somehow manage to not die within five minutes of bursting. Get killed by the augmented, riot suit wielding Head of Security. bHard

Shadowling 		Be the hip and more popular brother to the Changeling. Turn the whole crew into thralls. Cry when a cyborg turns on its headlamp. Shadow Walk into space and die ten minutes into the round. bHard

Devil 		Engage in civil discussions to buy souls. Create emergencies so that people are desperate enough to sell their soul. Try to out wit the lawyer. Get punched to death by someone you just turned into a hulk. bMedium

Monkey 		Attempt to infect the crew with the monkey virus. Get absolutely crushed by Security within five minutes. Spend the next two hours as a ghost. bVery Hard

Side Antagonists

Job Role Difficulty

Guardian Spirit 		Do what your summoner tells you to do. Set your battlecry to something so awful it makes your foes cry in battle. Be a punchghost. bORA ORA ORA

Xenomorph 		Ensure the crew gets a face full of alien wing-wang. Break procs. Squander your chance to be a big, purple killing machine and your race's survival in favor of acting out the librarian's favorite porno. bHard

Swarmers 		Consume. Replicate. Repeat. Eat Telecomms. Teleport other swarmers your enemies away from your metal. bMedium

Revenant 		Shock lights, transmit WGW right into the librarian until he goes mad. Trade for them until admins gods get fed up with you and turn ghosts into you. Be a griefghost. bEasy

Morph 		Eat pens for amusement, disguise yourself as beepsky. Disguise yourself as the Captain, confront the Captain while disguised as him, get shot. bHard

Space Ninja 		Become more common than you are rare and get complained about for how often your random event spawns. Toss RP out the window and kill everyone. bHard

Special

Job Role Difficulty

Lavaland Role 		Die to ash storms. Die to a legion. Die to lava. Die when a Security strike team teleports into your base. Die to a Miner. Die in general. bHard

Centcom Official 		Get spawned when the ship accidentally decides to fire blue on blue. Get killed because the crew wants to turn to piracy anyway. Watch as a team of agents bluespaces in to obliterate the crew when they don't hear back from you. bMedium

Ian 		Ass-inspect, eat donuts, get killed, be dragged off to a washing machine and get gibbed. Cause a riot. aImpossible
Chrono Legionnaire
Chrono Legionnaire 		Erase the Clown from time. Accidently erase your objective from time. Never be spawned by a admin for being too powerful. Without a trace! bNever Existed

Emergency Response Officer 		Arrive too late on the ship to actually help. Lose the rest of your team to a stray MAC round. Respawn as a second response team to save the first team. bVery Hard

Death Squad Officer 		Beg for DS, spawn in at centcom, kill an admin who was trying to tell you your mission, get gibbed, beg for another chance. Set your rifle to DESTROY and terminate all lifeforms (including walls). Slip on a banana peel and get blasted into oblivion with your own rifle laugh as your boots prevent you from slipping and the Clown can't fire your DNA-locked rifle. Shoot the Clown with your Mataba Revolver. bHard

Species

Read More: Guide to races

Species Description Prevalence

Humans 		Behave like the dominant species you are. Beat skulls in with a toolbox and remind everyone that you are essentially a bald ape. Get leg-dropped by a wrestler and watch as your leg actually falls off. Pray to be changed into a catgirl/boy, get changed into an actual cat instead. aVery Common

Lizardmen 		Name yourself Does-The-Gimmick. Set all your accessory slots and become an unrecognisable blob of pixels. Be locked out of important positions. Threaten the XO with a lawsuit if he doesn't promote you to a Head position. Make it hard to understand a word you say by hissing frequently. Get discriminated against for being a special snowflake. cUncommon

Flyperson 		Annoy the chef for his cheese, vomit on his food and kill Pete because you need barf fuel muh self defense. Start getting voices in your head when you read the bee movie script over the radio. Get lynched for attacking the botanist using pest spray, and get gibbed by the chef for 'no reason'. cUncommon

Plasmamen 		Light the entirety of the ship on fire. Be triggered by cold environments. Claim that you're a space beast that's come to kill everything, ever. cRare

Slimeperson 		Be the specialest snowflake in xenobiology. Hang out with your only slime friends. Swap between bodies. Inject people with your poisonous blood. cVery Rare

Podmen 		End up as mister potatohead after Genetics gets blown up and the Botanist is not stoned enough to forget he can clone too, but too stoned to do a good job. Forget that you photosynthesise and grow obese in the light. Start vegetating with relative ease. Remember that you're basically a walking matchstick well after you marched into a plasma fire. cVery Rare
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